Inner Game as Important as Outer Game!

 Most schools out there either emphasize on inner game or outer game. In my opinion one needs to master both inner game and outer game to succeed with women.

I often meet students who have trouble calibrating with women. Either they are too aggressive or too passive. Women test men constantly and if you fail to calibrate to the their tests you will not succeed. Once in a while if a woman is out just to get laid or tired of being single she might ignore your flaws and accept you. Chances are that this relation won't last long unless you make some major changes during the time you are together.

Here is an example, I was coaching in Hollywood few weeks back when I ran into this girl. She started testing me on different levels. (Now I have to admit that her level of testing is rare and happens once in three four years.- And I love it more than anything in the world. But usually women do not test this hard.)

Her tests were very random and very quick. They almost felt like a video game where one hurdle after another is thrown at you and you have no time to think before you can respond. This set lasted over an hour. It drained me completely but boy did I love it!

It was a four set. The set started with me approaching two girls from the group not knowing that there were two more at the venue. the dynamics changed and now I was left alone with my target. She could not believe my personality and wanted to see if I was congruent.

She kept switching gears from liking me to not liking me. From wanting me to not wanting me and viceversa. But all along I knew she was into me. I knew this for two reasons she was still talking to me and she was responding very well to my kino.

In order to test me she kept throwing topics at me which were sensitive in nature and see if they bothered me. She asked me if I was not comfortable with myself because I change my looks every six months (something I told her earlier that night). Now if my inner game was not strong I would have been offended or fought back or at least got defensive about it. I simply agreed and said yes I am very insecure for I am 32 year old virgin from India and no girl wants to sleep with me. She immediately responded by saying I am bullshitting and that she can tell I have no problems with women.

At some point I asked for her number and she refused to give it to me. I was not offended and I did not consider the set over. Why and how you ask? Because I am secure. I understand that by not willing to give me her number she only means that she is not ready yet or she is testing how I would react.

Most people including many guru's that I know will suggest to call the set over at this point. I however argue that a set is never over till it is over. If she was really not into me she could have walked away. I am not her boss and she won't lose her job by walking away. Even though she refused to give me her number I was convinced that she was still into me because she continued the conversation with me. I knew she just wanted to see how I react to her objections.

The set continued and now I started teasing her. I started telling her she is too judgemental and not my type. I told her I had a false impression of her when I met her. I was able to do this for I know I had power over her. I know this because I am confidant and I feel the same about every woman that I interact with. My inner game is strong. Now the tables turn. She asks me to take her number. I refuse. Five minutes later she insists that she wants me to call her and I refuse again until she started to force me physically to enter her number in the phone.

Now you may think the set is over but it is far from over. This was just another trick up her sleeve and I knew she was up to something. She was trying to see if I would take her bait which I did. I went for the kiss and came another test. She refused to kiss me. Then she accused me of being too aggressive hoping this will back me of. I smirked and said I forgot she was from Mid west and they do not have good social skills. She tried to convince me for the next 5 minutes why she thinks I was aggressive. I did not care what she said for I believe in my self and I know very well that I am not aggressive by any means.

I did not argue with her and said she is entitled to her opinion and may be I am too aggressive for her but I am who I am and left it to that. I could have continued but now I really had to go for I was with a student and need to get him into a set. As I say goodbye she kissed me right away and I left.

While I was leaving the bar she said goodbye and I gave her the look that she is weird. She responded by saying don't look at me like that. Call me and we will talk. That was it. What I mentioned above are only some of the tests she threw at me. So you should get an idea as to what I went through.

Had I not had a strong inner frame I would have run within the first five minutes with tails between my legs. But I believe in my self and knew I could handle her. I was also not phased by her comments because my inner voice is stronger than hers. My inner voice tells me I am all right and that is all that matters to me.

This should teach you a good lesson why you need to have strong inner game. This is the reason I have chapters and exercises developing inner game in the first third of my book Social Mastery. If you read and act on the exercises I mention there. You will have no problem calibrating with women and dealing with their shit tests no matter how strong they are.

I must also warn you that the better you will get with women the harder their shit tests will become. So do not ignore your inner game. It is as crucial to your success as outer game.